- The idea of ending poverty . . . it's so . . . amazing.
— San Diego restaurant, February 4, 2007
- Guy walks in with a wad of cash in his hand,
You wanna buy some fives? — KD’s Donuts, San Diego, February 1, 2007
- Man with an SOM t-shirt to a woman companion
I don't want to be 35 and running a nightclub, you know? — Street corner, New Haven, CT, August 22, 2006
- File Under: That’s New York for you
No, you watch where you’re going! — 5th Avenue, Midtown Manhattan, April 18, 2006
- It doesn’t take much to get me excited about grocery shopping.
— Outside supermarket, August 15, 2004
- Tomorrow, we only have one restaurant to go.
— Boy customer at Ikea, August 13, 2004
- I think if [the professor] ever asked me why I bring my knitting to class I’d tell him that his class is so boring that I want to poke my eyes out and I need to be ready.
— Metro-North train, January 23, 2004
- We better go or we’re gonna ring in the new year in your car.
— Miso, a Japanese restaurant in New Haven, CT, December 31, 2003
- That’s when I developed my fetish for target shooting and guns.
— two women passing in front of my stoop, May 18, 2003
- Is it a religious thing, or is it just, like, dinner?
— Man at my office asking another about Seder, April 2, 2003
- If they hit me with white magic, I’m gonna hit ’em right back with black magic.
— F train, March 22, 2003
- . . . and then I wake up and my boots are cut?!
— Brooklyn Blades game, Coney Island, February 17, 2003
- I’ve never been to a Mexican restaurant before that didn’t have cheese dip!
— Florida, October 15, 2002
- She to He: Now, I told you that I share my apartment, right?
— late at night near a subway mouth, September 20, 2002
- She: Do you think it’s safe for me to take a cab back to Brooklyn by myself at this hour?
He: Oh sure, it’s fine.
— Outside a bar in Chelsea, September 20, 2002
- She never really met his family and then she found out he has all these half-witted brothers and sisters.
— Passing bicyclists, Park Slope, September 13, 2002
- And then I hid gum inside CD cases . . .
— passerby on Court Street, Brooklyn, July 1, 2002
- Most ch— girls I know didn’t think it was so great.
— Accounting guy speaking about The Bourne Identity movie to a woman coworker, my office, July 1, 2002
- Hey, mind if I explore your C drive a bit?
— my office, June 1, 2002
- I think she should have just left him after he brought two nitrogen tanks to our apartment and hid them there.
— Greenpoint Bank, June 1, 2002
(tip of the beret to Matt F-B)
- That thing was mad comfy.
— Lex Ave., June 1, 2002
- He really likes big underwear.
— Perlis clothing, New Orleans, LA, May 1, 2002
- Drive the way you wish your children would.
— Highway sign on Rte. 84 West near the New York state line, March 1, 2002
- Only heard one person’s half of this, but it was the good half:
How long has he been dead anyway? [beat] Oh, really? So he’s still kicking around? [beat] But he’s not making movies, anymore, right? — BAM Rose Cinemas, special imported print of
Jean-Luc Godard’s
Made in USA, March 1, 2002
- So who ate all the pork chops, then?
— one customer to another, Maybrook Diner, Maybrook, NY, March 1, 2002
- I wanted to do laundry last weekend, but then we had that protest on Saturday.
— G train to Smith/9th Sts, February 1, 2002
- So I said, “Does she not shave in any place she’s supposed to?”
— Billburg bar, February 1, 2002
- They’re so cheap, their idea of a big vacation is a long weekend in Pennsylvania.
— Queens-bound F train, February 1, 2002
- That s———’s like being lashed with a whip!
— 51st St. and 3rd Ave., January 1, 2002
- Barely qualifies, but I heard a worker at my office pronounce the chain café of note as “Ah Bonn Payne”. This would be forgivable, had she not gone on to add that she eats every lunch every day there
— my office, December 1, 2001
- She: They treat those matadors like gods over there.
He: You know, before ancient Greece, in the Minoan civilization, there were these guys who would grab the bull by the horns and somersault over them. — Park Slope, December 1, 2001
(tip of the fisherman’s cap to
Ishbadiddle)
- Every Christmas I’m just like, “You’re all drunk and it’s another Cheever Christmas!”
— Angel’s Share, December 1, 2001
- It’s a cheese danish kind of day
— woman at a food cart to the vendor on a cold rainy day, Park Avenue, December 1, 2001
- Respectable looking woman who catches on her foot a piece of yellow “Police Line — Do Not Cross” tape near the corner of a building. She seems utterly oblivious, and turns the corner, so I never know whether she loses the tape or not.
— seen on Park Avenue, December 1, 2001
- Santa Claus is watching you!
— woman across the street to her screaming six-year-old, Brooklyn, December 1, 2001
- Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the “Stairway to Heaven” of rap, “Rapper’s Delight” from the Sugar Hill Gang
— WKTU deejay (the guy in the cubicle behind me at work listens incessantly), November 1, 2001
- Oh my god. That was the single best brie ever.
— friend’s wedding, October 1, 2001
- That’s why you can’t put them in the back of your pants!
— Merritt Parkway rest stop, October 1, 2001
- You know what they did to me? They cut my groin open!
— drunk-sounding man at Sal’s Pizza on Court Street, August 1, 2001
- . . . and he was, like, “Yo, my bank’s not open and I need a pair of socks.”
— Greenwich Village, July 1, 2001
- Keep me in mind for those costume jobs, all right?
— one man to another at the Javits Center, July 1, 2001
- Magistrate : So many ships from the West. Do you ever wonder about America?
Huang Fei-Hong : America? I just know that if they really had all that gold, they wouldn’t bother coming here. — Once Upon a Time in China (1991, dir. Hark), June 1, 2001
- Europeans inhale, like, opposite?
— loud-talking guy on F train, June 1, 2001
- Melanie, we can’t read a book now, it’s not book time yet.
— from one adult woman to another, Times Square, June 1, 2001
- So I says to him, “What the f——— is in your head?”
— haggard-looking woman to male companion, morning C train, June 1, 2001
- Those shoes look so comftahble
— Ms. 4" platform heels to Ms. 3" platform heels, a Mobil rest stop on the Grand Central Parkway, June 1, 2001
- A: Is Anthony Quinn dead?
B: What?
A: Is Anthony Quinn dead?
B: I guess so.
A: Huh.
— treadmillers at the gym, May 1, 2001
- H HAWK
OATS US — license plates seen while driving from Medfield, MA, to Brooklyn, USA, April 1, 2001
- I think that teaching ESL kids is much better . . .
— woman at New Directors/New Films festival, April 1, 2001
- I thought you were smelling your hand again.
— man at New Directors/New Films, April 1, 2001
- Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a tune and I’ll try not to sing out of key.
— man on the street to his son, April 1, 2001
- A: Did you watch the Grammys last night?
B: Yes, and I was so, like, This is not my life. — women at the gym, on the treadmills behind me, Brooklyn, February 1, 2001
- He’s invited me to watch that Judy Garland miniseries . . . he said it would be just like a Super Bowl party.
— man on the A train, West 4th St. stop, February 1, 2001
- I really shouldn’t’ve smoked so much at my bachelor party. I think I was stoned my entire wedding.
— man on the streets of the East Village, December 1, 2000